This was an interesting day. Much of what happened was unexpected, but I think it was all for the best in the end.
Gabrielle had persuaded Christina to go swimming in the river today, and so Inca was with both of them. I had not planned to check in until later, over dinner, but Inca called me early, with some urgency. I arrived to find the two of them standing next to Christina’s car. Their hair was wet and they were breathless from laughter, but their smiles were fading as Gabrielle stared at a ringing phone in her hand.
“From the look on your face,” Christina said finally, “that’s an ex calling.”
Gabrielle looked up, surprised, but also chagrined, and it made me think that Christina was right. But when I looked at the phone myself, the name there was not Nick, but Erica.
As far as I know, Gabrielle and Erica have not spoken for quite some time. They’ve kept up with one another on social media, and occasionally one or the other will send a message, but direct communication was rare. This call, then, was completely astonishing to Gabrielle.
But she did want to answer it, and that confused her. She looked up at Christina, pleading clear in her eyes.
I put a wing around Christina’s shoulders, trying to shield her from uncertainty or jealousy. “She needs to do this,” I whispered to her.
Christina smiled. “Why don’t I take a walk?” she said, tossing Gabrielle the keys. She kissed Gabrielle on the cheek as she went past, and some of the panic in Gabrielle’s aura faded away. I raised my brows at Inca, and she nodded and followed as Christina walked back down towards the water.
By the time Gabrielle had climbed into the car, the phone had stopped ringing. She took a breath and a moment to calm herself, and then called back.
Erica picked up on the first ring. “Hey! Is this a bad time?”
Gabrielle almost laughed. “A little bit, but we haven’t talked in so long, I can take a minute.”
“Oh—because I can call back.”
“No, no, you’re fine.”
The awkwardness hung heavy between them, stretching the silence. “Just be honest with her,” I whispered to Gabrielle.
“It’s god to hear your voice,” Gabrielle said, and as she said it she relaxed a bit, because it was. Before her feelings complicated things, she and Erica were very good friends—she’s known Erica longer than Victoria.
For a while they chatted, catching up on the news of their lives. As they spoke, Gabrielle slowly calmed, for she was realizing that the heart-wrenching longing that had always characterized her interactions with Erica was not coming back. There was a slight ache, a wistfulness, but it was a nostalgic feeling, the result of looking back on something that is past, not present.
I’ve moved on, she realized, looking out the windshield at Christina, just visible on the riverbank.
The one tricky moment came when the conversation turned to relationships. Finished telling about her most recent terrible date, Erica hesitated, but then she took a breath and said, “I saw that you had a hot date the other night. Christina, right?”
The date happened two nights ago—Christina picked Gabrielle up from Victoria’s apartment. Victoria insisted on getting a picture of the two of them together, and Gabrielle loved the picture so much she posted it almost right away to Instagram.
“Yeah,” she said. She smiled out the windshield. “We’ve been together for a while. She’s great.”
“I’m so glad.” Erica’s words were deeply sincere, and I realized that she must have felt a certain level of guilt over hurting Gabrielle, however indirectly. She is glad that Gabrielle has found a way to be happy. “I mean, I’m really sorry that it didn’t work out with Nick, but—the two of you look so good together, Gabby.”
“We do. Thanks.” And abruptly their relationship eased back into the friendship that had existed from early on. “Honestly, part of it is just the relief of being honest with myself. But Christina is just this amazing person.” Gabrielle laughed. “She even lets me talk to my ex in private.”
“Oh, you were with her! Well, I’ll let you go then. But we’ll talk again soon, yeah? And maybe next time I’m in town, you can introduce me.”
“I’d be happy to,” Gabrielle said, and she knew it was true. “Hey, thanks for calling.”
“Sure.” I could hear the smile in Erica’s voice. “Good night. Talk soon!”
For a long moment after she hung up, Gabrielle sat still with the phone in her hand, thinking over the call. She was glad that it had happened, for it answered some questions that she hadn’t realized had been weighing on her mind.
Then she saw Christina coming up the path.
“You need to go to her,” I whispered to her.
She didn’t need any further urging. Jumping out of the car, she went running into Christina’s arms, kissing her thoroughly. By the time they broke apart, both were breathless.
“Well,” Christina said, tugging on a strand of Gabrielle’s hair. “Overcompensating?”
“Maybe a little,” Gabrielle answered. “Look, I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have picked that up while you were around. But I needed to talk to her.”
Christina looked at Gabrielle—she isn’t one to avoid someone’s gaze out of fear. “So was she an ex? I thought you said you hadn’t dated a woman before.”
Gabrielle hesitated, and Inca drew closer, radiating assurance. Taking a breath, she took Christina’s hand and pulled her back down towards the water, until they found a bench along the path.
“I didn’t date her,” she said once they were settled, leaning against one another and looking at the sunset reflecting from the water. “She was one of my first friends in college, and I was pretty in love with her. But she isn’t—she wasn’t interested in being with me, and anyway I wasn’t ready to admit that I was gay yet. So my feelings just got all snarled up and confused and I pretty much broke my own heart over her.”
“Ah,” Christina said, and now there was sympathy rather than jealousy in her voice. She put her arm around Gabrielle’s shoulders.
Gabrielle rested her head on Christina’s shoulder. “I had to talk to her, because I had to figure out what I feel for her. And I think I have.” She took Christina’s hand, searching for words, and I did my best to help her find them. “I loved her because I had to love someone,” she said at last. “All my other friends were dating, and I wanted that, but none of the men I met interested me at all. And I think a part of me knew what was up before the rest of me, and that part needed to be expressed, so it just—attached to the nearest person. But that means that now that I’m out, now that I know what I am and what I want—now I can love for real.”
Christina took a deep breath. I knew what she was thinking—they have been together less than a month, and it is early for that word. But it is characteristic of Gabrielle to say it, and Christina knows this, too.
“In that case,” she said quietly, “I hope I’m worthy of it. I’ll try to be.”
Gabrielle looked up and took Christina’s face in her hands. “You already are,” she whispered and kissed her.
They stayed there, sitting together and looking at the river, until the light was only faint glimmers in the sky. Then they walked back to the car together, hand-in-hand, with a new comfort and understanding between them.
If only the return of the past could always work this well!