Brid thinks that I should take more time. I would think that she is overly concerned about me, but Zaman, Zezette, and Orison all agree with her. Zaman says that the shock and pain of the loss have weakened me, that I need rest to recover. Zezette has been so kind to forgive my transgression in the face of my grief, and she assures me that my charges are in capable hands—Nozomi, Lubos, Adnar’el, and Nehisi have all given of their time to keep an eye out. And Orison reminds me that the touch of a Fallen is no small thing, and that even high-level Guardians can feel the chill of it for many weeks afterward.
But I can hear that I am missing much. I can feel my charges calling out to me, and I can no longer ignore them. And I am tired of being lost in my own thoughts. So I spent today speaking to my sister and brothers, learning what it is that I have missed and what tasks lie before me in the coming days.
First, the good news, for I need some of that. Gabrielle and Anna are both doing well, with little having changed. Gabrielle’s relationship with Christina is flourishing, and they are beginning to speak tentatively of a shared future. Meanwhile Anna had a second and a third cup of coffee with Kyle, and yesterday they went out to dinner together. They have much in common, and Kyle, though he was not raised as a Christian, is interested and open to Anna’s faith. It is a promising beginning.
Allen is doing well, aside from the anxiety that comes rushing through him periodically. He has decided to have his showing, and Professor Groves offered to help him hold it at the college. So he is now in communication with the alumnae association and the art department to settle on a date. All this is exciting, but also frightening, and Allen is not certain he will be ready. To comfort himself, he has thrown his energy into his artwork, hoping to finish several new pieces so that he will have a choice on what to show. This does mean that he has seen little of Megan lately. Thankfully she seems to understand, but that will not last forever—their relationship is not yet strong enough to stand long separation.
Then there is the bad news. Jack and Hannah, who I thought were doing so very well, had a serious fight while I was gone. Nehisi says that Hannah disciplined Lily for an infraction at school, and Jack took offense. As far as I can tell from the glance I got today, I think Jack simply did not feel that Lily deserved punishment beyond what the school inflicted. Hannah, though, was hurt because she believed Jack doesn’t feel she has a right to discipline Lily. It is a misunderstanding that I hope can be cleared up easily, but as the two have not spoken since the argument, there has been no progress yet.
Poor Lewis has suffered the most, because Brid has been much occupied with helping me, and so he has been entirely alone. He suffered a severe setback in his healing this week, involving a long span of depression culminating in a panic attack, which he has not had in weeks. This upset him very much, and so when Sarah came to see him yesterday, he refused to see her. She is hurt and worried, and he is still in shadow. Brid and I both have much work to do with him.
And Freya, my fire-woman, lost the tentative connection she has been building with Elliott. She believed that the spark was out, and so she snuffed it entirely of her own will. Lubos tells me that by the time he joined her, she had already made the decision, and he well knows her stubbornness, so he did not try to resist. Instead, he has tried to lift her spirits in the days since she broke it off. Neither of them were broken-hearted—Elliott was upset and disappointed, but he will recover, and Freya herself was only lightly invested in the relationship. Still, she has been in a gray mood since then.
For this reason, I did not stay long with her. My own mood would only sour hers.
So, I have much work to do, and I am not sure that I have the strength to do it all. But how can I refuse to help those charges who are still within my power to assist? I have to do something, or go mad. What was I made for, if not to work?
I will start tomorrow.