I don’t understand my own heart sometimes. Mostly recently. Good things happening is supposed to make me happy, but I just feel numb and heavy. When will this feeling go away?
At any other point, I would have considered today a success, even a triumph. For the first time since her announcement, Gabrielle met with her family today—not only that, but she introduced Christina to them! And it went far better than I could have hoped.
It was Ellie’s birthday, and she was having a little party—mostly just family, but a few friends. Gabrielle had been invited, though it had been made clear to her that the invitation did not include Christina.
Gabrielle brought her anyway.
When they walked in together, hand-in-hand, Ellie went pale, and Gary’s face turned purple. Gabrielle lifted her chin and stared him down, while Christina raised her brows, trying to gauge the feeling in the room.
Thank the Father for Gabrielle’s aunt Kayla! She spotted the two of them and hurried over immediately to hug them both. “You must be Christina,” she said, kissing her on the cheek. “I’ve heard so many wonderful things! I’m Kayla, and this is my daughter Ashley, and my husband Brent is over here somewhere—Brent!”
Brent waved, but he didn’t move from where he stood next to Gary. Seeing that he had that in hand, I went to Ellie instead, putting my wing around her and showing her how well Gabrielle looked—the color in her cheeks, the straightness of her spine and the light in her eyes. I compared this to the image of the weary, struggling daughter who had come to Ellie, fleeing her marriage, and the difference was notable.
Having established an atmosphere of welcome, Kayla kept Christina company while Gabrielle crossed the room to hug Ellie. “Happy birthday, Mom,” she said, stepping back to look into her mother’s face. There was caution there—she had missed her mother, but she was ready to defend her girlfriend if it was necessary.
I pressed hard, and finally Ellie softened. “You’re late,” she said. “We were just about to cut the cake.”
“Sounds like I’m just in time, then,” Gabrielle said with a smile. “Why don’t Christina and I help you serve?”
Ellie stiffened, but Christina came over then with a big smile. “I’d be happy to help, Mrs. Reddon. Happy birthday, by the way. I’m Christina.”
They shook hands, though Ellie let go quickly. “It’s nice to meet you, Christina.”
Gabrielle heard the lie in her mother’s voice and opened her mouth, but Christina set a hand on her arm. “I have to thank you, Mrs. Reddon,” she said sincerely, taking Gabrielle’s hand. “You have raised a beautiful and kind daughter, and I’m so lucky to know her. It really is a privilege to meet you.”
Startled, Ellie mumbled something and turned to go into the kitchen and start cutting the cake. Christina and Gabrielle followed, and Christina kept the conversation running, talking about her job, Gabrielle’s studies—idle, harmless things. She seemed oblivious to the tension in the room, and soon that tension started to leak away. I have often seen it to be true that when unfed, the strain between two people can relax back into easier ways.
By the end of the evening, Christina and Ellie were on the way to being friends, and while Gary was still holding back, he too had seen how happy Gabrielle was. He is not ready to accept the truth, but neither are things entirely black and white for him anymore.
I know that with time, I could persuade him to open his mind. The key is his love for his daughter, which persists even through his stubborn beliefs—I saw it tonight, that he does want her to be happy. I could use that to reach him. But what hard work it will be!
Wearied by that very thought, I went on to visit with Anna, who had a date with Kyle tonight. It is lucky, really, that there was not much that I had to do for them. They seem to be flourishing.
“You didn’t,” Kyle was laughing as I arrived.
“Well, what was I supposed to do?” Anna asked. “He was staring at me, practically in tears, and holding that stupid mud pie inches away from my face—and so I took a bite.”
“Urgh!” Kyle said, shaking his head. “How was that?”
“Surprisingly not bad,” Anna said, and they burst into renewed laughter.
I could see that there was an ease between them that she never attained with Jacob. They have not known one another long, but they are already friends, and well on their way to becoming more.
Catching her breath, Anna sighed and reached out to take Kyle’s hands. “You have such funny calluses,” she said, studying the tips of his fingers.
“Big ass metal strings will do that do you,” he said. He turned over her hands in his. “And you don’t have any calluses at all.”
“What can I say, I lead a life of leisure.”
He snorted. “You kidding? Spending all day chasing after kids? You couldn’t pay me enough.”
“You don’t like kids?” Anna asked.
“Oh, that’s not it. I’m just no good with them. They walk all over me.”
She smiled. “Big softy.”
“Yeah, I’m a teddy bear. When I have kids of my own, they’ll probably be spoiled rotten.”
Anna blushed, but managed to say lightly, “Well, not if your wife is a pro.”
She and I both watched to see if this would intimidate Kyle, but he grinned. “You’re right, that would come in handy,” he said, and he kissed her palm before letting it go.
Anna was delighted and leaned forward to give him a proper kiss. I was happy for her, of course, but for myself my heart was sinking. I have barely been in their presence since the day that they met, and yet they have done so very well. What need do they have of me?
My head is going in circles. One charge upsets me because there is too much to do; another depresses me because I have not done enough. Is there nothing I can do to escape these feelings?