I was not forbidden to do this. I want it known, that despite the reservations of my seniors, it was not forbidden.
Zezette expressed curiosity that I was still so fixated on this. Curiosity, not disapproval, for “I want you to heal in your own time, Asa’el. Even so…”
Danit spoke to me about it, saying that it made her ‘uneasy’ how much I was looking into the past. She even suggested that it was disrespectful to Shannon.
Hatsumi disagreed with that, saying that she thought it was better to remember the best of Shannon. But she did say that she wasn’t certain what good it would do me.
To be honest, neither am I, but ignorance has not done me any good, either. And I have been careful not to let my research cause me to neglect my charges. But today they are all well, and so I took some time to seek out Orison again.
He, at least, showed no sign of confusion or disapproval when I explained to him what I had been doing. He only said that he hoped he could help and asked me to tell him what I had found.
Shannon, or rather Neassa, was a talented young Persuasion who rose quickly to the rank of Principality. She was cheerful and funny, much-loved by her companions. In her work she moved quickly, sometimes making a marked difference in a charge’s life within a matter of weeks. She had a special talent for reaching people through art and music. “As you said,” I told Orison, “I saw pieces of all this in Shannon.”
He nodded, a small smile on his face. “A soul retains its essence, no matter what form it takes.”
Now, I have been doing better in the past few weeks—my grief no longer overwhelms me, though sometimes it comes back in force and without warning. This was one such moment, and it took me some time before I could speak the question that I wanted to ask. “What work would such a soul do…after having fallen?”
Orison sighed and bowed his head. He thought for a long moment, and I had time to wonder if he would answer me at all. I did not wonder long, though; Orison has never disappointed me. “The name for a fallen Persuasion is a Resentment,” he said at last. “These Fallen work in secret and whisper hateful things to humans, building up their vindictive and jealous feelings. They are pervasive and hurtful, and the strong ones can even cause a lapse of faith in a human heart.”
I felt as if there were a knife in my throat. I have no doubt that if Shannon is brought to work for the Enemy, she will be one of the strong ones.
“Are you sorry you asked?” Orison asked with a rueful smile.
I stood straighter, my chin rising. “No. I want to understand what my charge is going through.”
“Not to punish yourself, I hope.”
I began a hasty denial, then stopped and took a breath. “Perhaps that was the reason that I began this quest,” I admitted. “But I do not think that is why I have pressed it this far. This tragedy has taught me more than I ever knew before about the harsh realities of this battle we face, and I do not want to turn my face away from it.”
“Spoken like a true Guardian,” Orison said softly.
I was not quite sure what to say in response to that.
As before, though, the answer to my question brought me still more questions. “Then are there as many different kinds of Fallen as there are angels?”
“Oh, even more,” Orison replied. “The Enemy is ingenious at devising ways to harm the faithful.” When I shivered, he said to me, “Infinite small plans are all he has, and none of them come even close to matching the great Plan of our Father.”
I nodded, but I was not distracted. “Then what becomes of a Cupid who falls?”
“A Cupid will often become an Enmity. They attack love through means of pride, temptation, and other harmful means. But Enmities are comparatively rare. A Cupid, who works so closely with the King’s own power, is unlikely to fall.”
Unlikely…but nothing is impossible. “Then what are the most common of the Fallen?”
“The Violences,” Orison answered. “And most are very weak, but some can cause even a cherub such as myself some trouble.” He anticipated my next question then, saying sadly, “A Violence is often a fallen Guardian, turning against those they once protected.”
My throat tightened. “Then Guardians are more likely than other angels to fall?”
He nodded. “It is not an exact correlation, of course,” he told me. “Sometimes a soul encounters a new calling on the Earth, or some great bitterness draws them away from the task which once filled them with passion. But yes, it is true that more of the soldiers fall to the Enemy than any others.” He shook his head. “I believe it is because we see so much of the darkness even before we enter the world, and sometimes it weakens our spirits.”
“That’s terrible,” I said, and I thought of Inca and Heyele and Eburnean, all so strong and good, and my heart was filled with ice. “Is there nothing that can be done?”
“All that we can do is choose the very best and strongest of angels to become Guardians, and then equip them in their training for what they will see, as best we can.”
I lowered my head.
“And no, Asa’el,” Orison said, gripping my shoulder with a powerful hand, “that was not why I did not choose you as a Guardian. If it were only about strength, I would have fought to have you as one of us. ”
This made my eyes sting with tears. “You honor me,” I mumbled.
“I speak only truth.” He released me, gazing at me until I met his eyes. “It is your will and your heart that made you a Cupid, and you have done very well in your calling—better than any I have ever met.”
His praise means a great deal to me. In my more despondent moments, I will remember what he said and be warmed by it.
I dried my tears and bowed to him. “Will you tell me more about the Fallen?” I asked. “I want to understand what it is that we face.”
He studied me. “I would say that I do not want to make you afraid,” he said, “but I do not think that is something I need worry about with you. Yes, of course. Come to me when you can with your questions, and I will answer them.”