What a delicate and difficult work I had to do today! But I am hopeful that it will lead to new understanding between two women who are both deserving of my care and respect.
Matters between Freya and Alysse have not improved. Over the past week there have been several instances of coolness between them, such that some of their coworkers have noticed. In a meeting on Tuesday, a misunderstanding led Alysse to speak quite sharply to Freya, and my fire woman had to excuse herself to avoid an explosion. It took me nearly an hour to calm her down after that. When she was finally back at work, I sought out Alysse and found her in conversation with Sarah, who is the editor and supervisor to both Freya and Alysse.
“You were talking to her as if she were a dumbass,” Sarah was saying—her straight talk has always won Freya’s approval. Alysse was less receptive; she sat across the desk from Sarah, her hands folded in her lap, her mouth tight.
“I was just trying to tell her—”
“But you weren’t actually listening to what she was asking,” Sarah said. “She knew where to look for the files—she was telling you that they weren’t there. And they aren’t, look.” She turned to her computer to show Alysse.
I studied the smaller woman. Alysse’s aura was close around her and dark with resentment. She paid little attention to the realization that she had in fact been in the wrong. All her focus was on her perception that she was being ill-used, that this was not fair. Never mind that it was perfectly fair, just not in her favor.
“I’ll correct the mistake,” she said when Sarah looked back at her. “I’m sorry about that.”
“I’m not the one who needs the apology,” Sarah said.
Alysse’s spirit revolted, but nothing showed on her face. “Clearly I’m the problem here,” she said, with only the slightest tint of sarcasm in her voice. “I’ll do better. I’m sorry.” She got up to go.
“Sit down, Alysse,” Sarah said with a sigh. “We’re not going to finish this conversation on that note. Now listen to me, please. You are an excellent worker, a brilliant woman, and you have great taste. I’m very glad that you’ve come to join us because you add a lot to the team.”
The praise did soften Alysse a bit. Her back stiffened again, however, at Sarah’s next words.
“You and Freya are both strong, take-charge women, so it’s not surprising that you might butt heads. But I know that you could learn a lot from each other with a bit more respect into the mix.”
A flash of an ugly thought, suppressed before I could get a good look at it, ran through Alysse’s mind. She only nodded, waiting for Sarah to dismiss her.
Sarah studied that stony face. “Just remember, it’s not always what you say, but how you say it. Freya’s a sweetheart, but she’s also got a temper. Don’t take things so personally, okay? We all want the best for the press.”
“Of course we do,” Alysse said. Internally she wondered if Freya would get the same warning not to take things personally.
I brushed aside a little sprig of resentment myself—how could I like it when someone insults Freya, even in her thoughts?—and bent over Alysse. “Much of what you see to dislike in Freya comes from yourself, not from her,” I murmured. “She truly doesn’t mean to offend you.”
She couldn’t hear my words, but she could feel the truth. Her guard fell, and I caught the thread of her thoughts. Alysse feels threatened by Freya, and not only because she fears Freya is hiding something. She knows that among the editorial assistants in the office, Freya is the most likely to be promoted next, and it galls her. Freya is younger than she is, and despite her seniority in this position, Alysse feels that she has more experience from her previous positions.
Envy as well as self-preservation—a potent combination. Still, I knew a way to get past both of them.
“Sarah is right,” I said, wrapping my wings close around Alysse and washing her with love. “You have so much to offer. What does it matter if Freya will be lifted before you are? That does not mean your time won’t come. Every day you learn more, and every day makes you stronger. You disrespect yourself when you compare yourself to others, because only you can understand what you have been through to get here.” I kissed her cheek. “You’re doing just fine.”
She took a breath, and her eyes watered. She wiped them and looked up at Sarah. “I’ll go talk to Freya,” she said, and there was no sharpness in her voice now. “We’ll figure it out.”
Sarah read some of the change in Alysse and smiled. “Glad to hear it,” she said.
Here I have been focusing on giving Freya patience and love, when Alysse was the one who needed it! I shadowed her as she went out of the office, continuing to rain love down on her.
She found Freya sitting on a bench just outside the office, face turned to the sunshine. The peace on her face vanished when she spotted Alysse.
“Gently,” I said to her.
“Can I sit?” Alysse asked.
Warily Freya nodded. She didn’t quite like sitting right next to Alysse—it made it harder for her to see the other woman. But I approved of the arrangement, because I could put two wings around each of them.
“Be very truthful,” I told Alysse in the small waiting silence. “She respects truth.”
Alysse studied her hands. “You know, I knew someone like you once,” she said. “When I worked as a hotel manager. She was so sweet, smiling all the time, making people laugh. Everybody loved her, including me. I taught her how to do her job, went out for drinks with her, even sold her an old car of mine for half-price.” She swallowed—this story was hard for her to tell, for reasons of both pride and pain. “Then I find out that not only has she gotten the promotion I wanted, she’s hooking up with my boyfriend.”
Freya stiffened. “That bitch,” she said.
Alysse laughed, surprised. “Yeah. I went to confront her, but she just kept smiling and told me that I shouldn’t take things so personally. And when I got mad, she cited me for harassment. I had to resign right away or be fired.” She gritted her teeth and shook her head.
Freya studied Alysse’s profile. “You know, I bet she’s not happy,” she said. Surprised again, Alysse glanced at Freya, who shrugged. “People like that—fake people, people who need to hide who they are and take things from others to prove themselves better—I don’t think they’re ever happy in the end. Either the things they steal aren’t enough for them, or they can’t find peace about themselves. They don’t know who they are, or they know that there’s something rotten in them, and it doesn’t give them any peace.”
I beamed at her for such a wise observation. Alysse, too, saw the wisdom in it, and a little bit of discomfort colored her soul, for she saw how close to her own self that truth came.
I saw her wanting to retreat from that realization. “Don’t,” I urged her. “You aren’t like that yet, and if you accept how close you are coming, you can turn around. Accepting your own faults is the first step to reconciling them.”
While we were wrestling in Alysse’s soul, Freya looked on. “But anyway,” she said after a moment, cutting through the conflict that excluded her. “I’m not her. And it’s not fair of you to be hateful to me because I remind you of her.”
“She’s right,” I reminded Alysse when she would have retorted defensively.
With one more defiant moment, Alysse finally sighed and bowed her head. “I know,” she said. “And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to talk to you like you were a dumbass.”
Freya laughed. “You just got your back up and it made you snap. I get it. And as long as I know you don’t mean to be nasty, I can get myself over it.”
“I don’t mean it,” Alysse said, and she was being perfectly honest. “I’m not trying to be ugly. I just want to do my job.”
“Then we’re all right,” Freya said, and she held out her hand. “And if we have a problem again, just come and talk to me. It’s easier than being mad at each other.”
Alysse smiled and shook her hand. “It’s a deal.”
And so they parted, if not friends, at least on amicable terms. I am pleased by the progress, although I know that there is more work to be done. There is too much inclination toward guardedness in Alysse’s spirit to be overcome in one afternoon. Still, with a bit more confidence and love, I think that she and Freya might even become allies in time. We shall see.