I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
For a week now, I have been working with Alysse, giving her reassurance and confidence. Every day she goes home feeling better, maybe even a little penitent. And then the next day she comes back to work in anger and resentment, her aura as cold as it ever was.
It is so strange. On Monday both Freya and I came to work hopeful that the trouble was behind us. She greeted Alysse cheerfully and told her about her weekend—she visited her mother and had lunch with Kara and George. “They won’t admit it, but I think they’re talking about getting married,” Freya said. “I can’t wait. I hope it happens next week. I tell you, that woman better make me her maid of honor or I’ll be throwing hands.”
Alysse only smiled slightly, an expression that didn’t last. She said nothing.
“So how was your weekend?” Freya asked.
“Fine,” Alysse said. She stepped past Freya without another word.
We were both astonished. Still, upon reflection, Freya decided that just because the two of them had talked didn’t mean that they were already friends. She resolved to try again, with a bit less exuberance.
“Hey, Alysse,” she said, stopping by the woman’s desk at lunchtime. “I went to this great Italian place this weekend and bought cannolis for everyone—you want one?”
“Maybe later,” Alysse said without looking up.
This time the coldness was undeniable. Freya frowned at her. “Everything okay?”
“Fine.”
How often is that word used as a flat hand to push others away. Freya got the message. She stood up straight and walked away with her mouth tight.
I turned to Alysse. “I know that something is wrong,” I said to her. “What is it?”
That time, at least, she recognized me and relaxed her guard a bit. I could see that she had been thinking throughout the weekend, and she’d come to believe that Freya wasn’t sincere after all. For the life of me, though, I couldn’t find a reason for this conclusion.
I did my best to reassure her, and thought I had succeeded when she bid Freya farewell quite kindly at the end of the day. But come the morning she was a pillar of ice again. Again I spent my strength on her, only to have my work undone the following day. It has been that way this whole week.
I don’t understand it. I went to her home with her yesterday, and I saw nothing that might turn her against Freya. Her fiancé is a kind man who supports her in all that she does; their relationship is strong and affirming. Her home is comfortable, if a bit smaller than Alysse might hope. Even her tumultuous family has had a quiet week, with no new drama or disasters recently. I lingered for a while, hoping a bit of extra time with Alysse would help. But this morning she was colder than ever before, and her spirit is growing hardened to me, so that it is more and more difficult to get her to listen to me. It reminds me of the last days with Shannon, which hurts and worries me. I am losing her, when I never had her to begin with.
All the back and forth is giving Freya a great deal of stress. Having decided to give Alysse the benefit of the doubt, she has lowered her own guard. She is vulnerable to Alysse’s snubs, but the occasional kindness from the other woman makes her safe from Freya’s anger. She is being hurt, and I don’t know what to do.
I find myself wanting to talk to Danit, or perhaps Lubos. I don’t know that this is something I can protect my fire woman from.