It is so wonderful when what a friend does to help me also helps themselves. I was asking Inca if she would be willing to help me keep watch on Freya, and Eburnean overheard and passed the request higher. Now Inca is in proud possession of her fourth wing, and she and Eburnean both are going to spell me with Freya, so that I can limit the amount of time I spend in her immediate proximity. I am so happy for you, Inca! And I am grateful to both of you for your assistance, although I will say here that it is strange to be in a position of supervision over Eburnean!
I still stand guard over Freya nearly every night, but the assistance has left me with a bit more leisure time. I took some of that time last night and went to check in on Alex, still locked away in prison.
It was hard to go into that place. There is so much darkness there, even in a minimum security facility. The shadows pressed close around me as I descended, and I very nearly turned around and went back. But a bright light called me on, and I was not surprised to find that it was Alex, lying flat on his back in his bunk. When I joined him, he was laughing, as was his roommate.
“And then he says,” Alex was saying, between bursts of laughter, “he says, ‘I ain’t scared, I ain’t scared’ and I was like, ‘did you know that when people say things twice, it’s more likely that they’re lying,’ and he was all, ‘shut the fuck up’ and then I go ‘shit what is that’ and I swear—” He had to stop to catch his breath a moment. “I swear the bastard jumped three feet, and that was how I got out of movie night.”
“Perfect,” his bunkmate laughed, rolling over onto his side and letting his hand hang over the edge of the bed. He was a thick-chested young man with a rich, smooth voice and a crooked nose. “Man, what a wuss. I love scary movies.”
“Eh, nothing much scares me anymore,” Alex said, sighing. “Though let me tell you, I didn’t sleep for about three days after I saw Psycho.”
“Oh, shit, man! When he looks right out the camera at the end—”
Both of them shuddered and laughed.
I could tell that they have become good friends, though Russell has only been with Alex for about a week. He seems to be a good enough sort—there’s light in his spirit, too, though not as much as in Alex’s. I couldn’t help but wonder if that light was there because of his friendship with Alex.
I lingered for a while, enjoying their camaraderie. Eventually the conversation turned serious, and the two young men began to speculate on their futures after they are freed. Alex was optimistic; Russell is less so, perhaps because he has a longer sentence than Alex, but also because he knows it will be more difficult for him.
“Man, you have to know how it goes,” Russell said. “I’m never gonna be able to get a job no matter what school I get done in here.”
“You don’t know that,” Alex said.
“I sure do. Look, people gonna look at you, nice-looking white boy, and they’ll say aw, he made something out of nothing, ain’t that amazing? But they’ll look at me, and I already looked like I spent four years in prison before I even got here, and they’ll slam the doors in my face.” He shook his head and rolled over onto his side. “I’m not gonna have nothing when I get out of here.”
As he spoke, the light in his heart dimmed, and I realized that it was being stifled by despair. And though it broke my heart, I could understand. Why should he work so hard to be good when the world was predisposed to think him evil?
“There are a lot of people who will do that, I’m sure,” Alex said. “More than I ever knew or ever will know. It’s not fair, but you do see more of awful things in the world than I do.” Alex was trying to think of something comforting to say. I spread my wings to shelter both of them, and maybe in so doing I gave him a suggestion, because he smiled and went on with peace in his heart. “But I think that being able to see the evil makes you more able to see the good, too. And there is good out there.”
Russell grunted, unconvinced. “Sure about that?”
Alex nudged the underside of his bunk with a foot. “Well, there’ll be me, at least, by the time you get out. And I’ll hire you.”
That reached Russell, and he clambered over to hang his head out and stare at Alex. “You mean that?”
“Yeah, of course. I don’t know for sure what I’ll be doing, but it’ll be some kind of business. And if I can’t hire you, I promise you here and now that I’ll help you find something good.” He pushed himself up on an elbow so he could offer Russell a hand.
Russell studied Alex, suspicious of an empty promise, but I leaned in, pressing reassurance. I could see, and soon so could Russell, that Alex was in earnest.
“Why you care what happens to me?” Russell asked.
“Because you’re my friend,” Alex said, without missing a beat. “And because I don’t think I got here on my own.”
Russell snorted. “In prison? No shit.”
“Safe,” Alex said, with a depth of security and peace that warmed my soul. He sat up and slid to the edge of the bed, and Russell swung down to stand in front of him. “Look, everything that I did to get here, I should have been dead. But I’m not, and now I have a family that visits me every week and is ready to be there for me when I get out. I got something or someone looking out for me.” He glanced around the cell, and for a moment his gaze and his warm smile rested on me. “And that makes me want to pay it forward.”
Russell’s suspicions couldn’t survive this earnest honesty. He shook his head, suppressing a smile. “You a sap, Able.”
“Maybe,” Alex allowed. He got up and held out his hand to Russell. “But I’ll still help you, and anyone else I can.”
Russell only waited a beat before clapping his hand into Alex’s. “A sap,” he repeated. “But a good egg.”
“Mm, now all we need is some bacon and some pancakes,” Alex teased.
Russell groaned and shoved Alex down into his bed. “Man, don’t you start talking about pancakes.”
They bantered a bit more as they settled down to sleep, and their conversation ended with laughter. When they fell silent, both of their lights burned a little bit brighter.
I like Alex’s idea of passing blessings on to others. What better way to fight despair than to look in one’s life for the good things one has received and to help share them? And I am so proud of him for taking the slightest sense of my presence and turning it into something real in the world. He will do great things when he is free, and maybe even sooner. One bright light in a place of darkness may be in some peril of losing its brilliance, but it is also in just the right place to spread light to others.