I have spent the past days arranging a system by which I can watch over Freya without standing so close to her side. Inca, Ananiah, Eburnean, Ophell, and even Orison have taken turns on guard, and Taralom keeps watch from heaven, so that even though I am rarely with her myself, she is never alone.
This is a sorrow for me, but it is for the best. We have learned from this that she recognizes my presence, distinct from that of the others. She is getting far too sensitive to the things of heaven, which will open her up to the power of the enemy, too. And so I have placed my trust in the others, and I am glad to know that she does not at least feel abandoned. In time, maybe she will come to believe that what she sensed through me was just a fancy, a daydream, and she will let it strengthen her without putting too much faith in it.
Meanwhile I have been on the hunt. With Anathalie to help me in the field and Ruhamah to guide us, we have been slowly but surely advancing on Asoharith.
It may surprise you to hear that so many of us would put so much energy into one woman, but I must tell you that I am not the only one alarmed at Asoharith’s cunning hatred. Orison tells me that it has been a long time indeed since any Fallen went to such effort against a single person. That cruel, directed malice can wreak great evil in the world if it is not quickly smashed. A hate of such purity and purpose can inspire other hatreds, darkening many spirits where it intended only to destroy one.
And so we have been determined to find her and stop her, and we were making progress. Anathalie is cunning, too, and she knows how to use all of the tools at our disposal. I did not know, for instance, that it isn’t just prayers that a Hearer can catch and carry. They also can open themselves to the whispers of our enemies. And among the Hearers there are a few who have taken on the Lower Eye in order to help our cause. It is to one of them, Kasfe, that I owe great thanks for the knowledge we now have.
We have learned that Asoharith is a Detractor now, though originally she was a Resentment. Both of those are roles of indirect cruelty, drawing the anger or the spite of others to their victims, but Asoharith has shown herself adept at putting another layer of distance between herself and retaliation by persuading other Fallen to do her work for her. This we knew before, but now we understand how she has done it: by speaking of me.
The Fallen tell one another bitter stories of my love and devotion to Freya, how my love for her is deeper and purer than anything they have ever encountered. “What glaring, gross light it puts into the world,” she has told her companions. “What dread strength it gives to the angels to see it. Such a thing should not be.” And then she tells them how Freya’s eyes are growing sharper, and due to the laws of heaven, I have had to step back from her. “A treasure of heaven is vulnerable,” she hisses into their ears.
And so they have come, and they throw themselves against the defenses I have built. In just the past week we have stopped three Violences, a Desolation, an Enmity, and an Apathy.
I had hoped that we would hear Asoharith’s voice itself, or at least some clue that would give us an indication where she may be found. But she is far ahead of us, and has gone well to ground. The whispers, filled with envy, say that she has been taken down for training as a Violence, or perhaps even an Apostate. Meanwhile the Fallen continue to laugh, saying that I will not be able to keep myself away from Freya, and by doing this I will open her eyes bit by bit, so that soon she will be aware of them, too. And then they will be able to hurt her more.
I wish that they were wrong. I wish that I could step back completely, could restore the shield of innocence around Freya. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t convince myself that my love, the light that the enemy so fears, is not the best protection for her.
I ask my seniors every day if I am right, but now they will only tell me that I must decide for myself, and they will follow my instincts. “If a battle is to come,” Orison says, “then it will come to you, and thus you must be the one to set the stage. You have been told by the messenger of our Father to follow love, Asa’el, and we will not stop you from doing so. In you lives wisdom, no matter that it has not been seen before. And so we stand with you.”
It is a comfort, even though it is also frightening. I wish I knew how I could have kept this battle from coming. I wish I believed there was a way to stop it now.