I spent the day with Con today. Despite all I have done to reassure him, the fear would not leave him, and in the past few days it seems to have tightened and hardened into a knot of iron in his stomach. At the rehearsal dinner tonight, though Grace was glowing and excited, it was all Con could do to keep smiling when he wanted to run right out of the room.
I knew I had to get him to talk to Grace, but I did not know what to make him say. More than once in the past week I have suggested that he ask Grace to postpone the wedding, but he has refused to consider it. He fears that at this late hour, such a request would mean the end of their relationship, and perhaps he is not wrong. The hurt would be great for Grace, and if she were to hold it close to herself, it might slowly wither her love for him.
I have wondered if these two need the ritual of marriage to make them happy. Some couples do not—they prefer freedom, even if neither of them ever has any intention of leaving the other. Con may be one of these people, but Grace is not. The ceremony means a great deal to her—it is a sign that their lives are changing, that they are making a new family, a new lifestyle. And yes, the commitment would give her some peace, especially now that she knows about Con’s doubts. She has been trying to have faith in him, but she knows him well.
She certainly knows him well enough to notice his fears tonight. After the dinner, as soon as she could get away from her mother and her friends, she went to find Con. The two families are staying in the same hotel, but most of the wedding party was still lingering over the dinner table, getting to know one another and enjoying the aura of celebration. There was quite a different aura waiting for Grace and her groom in Con’s room.
When Con answered the door and saw Grace, his heart lifted, but his stomach dropped. “You’re missing your party,” he said.
“I’ve had nothing but parties the past couple of weeks,” she said, brushing past him and walking across to the bed. “Three bridal showers and two bachelorettes—I’m ready to just be done and be married already.” She watched him carefully as she said this, and she saw the smile slip from his face. “But maybe you’re not ready for that, hmm?” she asked softly.
He sighed and went to sit next to her. I stood before them and wrapped my wings about them, dampening fear and strengthening love. I did nothing else—I did not want to influence their words in any way, for in this moment, they had to be completely honest with one another.
“It’s just,” he said at last, his voice halting, “that you can see this big future for us, Gracie. Kids and a house and brunch on Sunday mornings and going to the beach in the summer…and I can’t see that. I feel like I’m walking in a fog, and I’m the only one who doesn’t know which way he’s going.”
Grace absorbed this, and then she took his hand. “Do you see me?” she asked.
He looked up at her, looking deep into her eyes. He saw her strength, her confidence, and the depth of her love. It made him smile, and some of the fear eased. “I can’t see anything but you.”
“Then look at me, baby,” she said, putting her hand on the side of his face. “Whenever you get afraid, look at me. Because that’s what I’ll be doing.” Con blinked at her, and she laughed a little bit. “You think I don’t get scared, too? This is a huge thing that we’re doing, Con, the most important thing in our lives. Three times this week I woke up and just stared at the ceiling, thinking, what the hell are we doing?” She caught his face between her hands, leaning closer so that her breath brushed his lips. “But then I look at you, and I know that I couldn’t do anything else. That I can’t be with you and not want to tell the world that you’re mine. That I want everyone who matters to me to know how important you are. Everything else, the forever part? That’ll come, and we’ll figure it all out together. All we need to know right now is we’re in this together. All we need to see is each other.”
It was well said, and it came straight from her heart. I showed this to Con, and his fears dissolved. He took Grace into his arms, and they fell back onto the bed, and I left them, reassured myself.
I think they will be all right.