Well, I wasn’t quite sure, but the baby shower went ahead as planned this afternoon. Mary Ann has worked ceaselessly, it seemed, calling guests and arranging for food and decorations and getting help from her friends and from Con’s mother. I should have had more faith; when determined women come together, things are inevitably accomplished.
Con was not invited to the shower. This is customary, I believe, as it is a female tradition, and there was no offense intended. But Con was not in any shape to be forgiving. He has been to see Shep every day since the return from the hospital, of course, but the tension between himself and Grace has shortened the visits. Afterwards, he goes home to his own, still quite bare apartment and spends the evening drinking, worrying, and feeling sorry for himself.
Naturally, I cannot allow this to continue—if these emotions escalate, it could cause a rift between him and Grace that could never be healed. So I found a likely ally in Michael, who volunteered to take Con out for a drink this evening, and an unlikely one in Grace’s father Jake, who was invited and came along, though somewhat reluctantly.
The three men took their drinks to a table rather than sit at the bar, though Jake looked longingly at the sports show on the television. At this hour, there were not many customers in the place, but Michael knew they would want privacy for this conversation. For a while there was silence.
“So,” Michael said finally. “Talk to me.”
Con took a sip of his drink and shrugged, looking mulish. “What’s to say? She’s made her decision.”
“Yes, she has,” Jake said. “And she has every right to.”
“You don’t think I know that?” Con snapped.
“Hey, hey, take it easy,” Michael said. “We’re all on the same side here.”
“Are we?” Jake muttered as he picked up his glass.
“Yes,” Michael said firmly. “We’re on Shep’s side.”
That calmed the other two down.
Con, finding his throat too thick to swallow, put his glass back on the table. “He’s just…so little,” he said in a low voice. “Still, though the doctors said so much about how well he’s doing and how strong he is now. He’s still so little. And—and I worry. Not that I think that Grace won’t take care of him, I know she will, but she’s still tired too…” He grimaced and rubbed his watering eyes.
Jake was watching him carefully—I made sure of it.
“They’re going to be fine, Con, both of them,” Michael said.
“I know they are.” Con exhaled a long breath. “And I know I only have myself to blame. I cut myself out of her life, I get that. But…it’s different now.” He looked at Michael, his eyes red and desolate. “It’s different now.”
“It is,” Michael agreed. “And it’s something that you both have to figure out. But you’re not going to do that if you won’t talk to her.”
“But she won’t talk to me,” Con protested. “Every time I’ve gone over there this week she just puts Shep in my lap and completely ices me out.”
“And have you been opening a reasonable and objective conversation, or charging at her with accusations and demands?” Michael asked, voicing my thought.
The answer was clear from Con’s scowl.
Michael glanced at Jake, then leaned across the table. “Look, buddy, I’ve got gobs of compassion for you, but you have to remember that this is harder for her than for you. She’s the one that got left at the altar. She’s the one who carried that baby for nine months. She’s the one who went through three hours of agony and two weeks of terror.”
“I was there for the terror, too,” Con mumbled, but he knew that Michael was right. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes again. “God, how could I have fucked up this badly?”
Jake, who had been silently observing all this time, now leaned forward. “That’s what I want to know,” he said. “What in all hell made you leave my daughter? Because that was a fuck-up if I ever saw one.”
Con bristled at his tone, but I soothed his antagonism, making him realize that Jake truly wanted to know the answer. He exhaled and looked his ex-almost-father-in-law in the eye. “Most of it was flat panic,” he answered truthfully. “But I’ve thought a lot about it in the past months. It all comes down to the fact that I did not think I could keep any promises I made to her. And she deserves better than that.”
Jake’s eyes narrowed. He did not want to admit that he did not disapprove of this line of thought. “She deserved better than you ruining her wedding,” he said.
“I’m not denying that,” Con said. “I should have handled that better, and I well and truly suck. But I learned my lesson from that. I’m going to get my shit together and I’m going to be here for her and for Shep.” He sighed and hunched his shoulders again. “If she lets me.”
“She’ll let you,” Michael assured him. “She was the one who said you had to be around for him, right? But now is the time that you two have to figure out the details. And to do that, you have to talk to each other.”
“So how do I do that?” Con asked. “How do I get her to sit down with me?”
I leaned hard on Jake then, and he sighed. “You have to show her you can be trusted first,” he said, looking away from Con’s surprised glance. “When you go by this evening, be on your best behavior. Don’t argue, don’t bitch, just ask if there’s anything you can do for her. Show her you can respect her boundaries, and she’ll start to relax them.”
Con nodded, recognizing this for good advice.
Now Jake looked him straight in the eye. “And remember you’re there for Shep, not for her. You had your chance to be a husband to that woman and you lost it. Don’t put her through the wringer again.”
Again Con nodded, holding on to his humility. “I know. But I’m not going to lose the chance to be Shep’s dad.” His hand closed hard around his glass. “I’m not going to lose that,” he said again, and his voice shook.
I made certain that Jake heard that, that he saw Con’s knuckles going white. A grudging respect rose in his chest, and he cleared his throat and muttered, “good” before getting up to order the table another round.
This is how fences are mended, as it were—one rail at a time. If Con has Grace’s father on his side, then her mother won’t be far behind, and soon the family will be on good terms again. It may never be entirely whole, but humans have a remarkable ability to survive and even to thrive despite their scars.
When the men left the bar an hour later, Con went with Michael to Grace’s apartment to pick up Amanda. Most of the guests had gone by this point, and the remaining women were tidying up while Grace took a moment to feed Shep. She looked up when Con approached her, and he almost took offense at the wariness in her eyes, but I was there to calm him, and he managed a smile. “Good haul?” he asked her.
The light tone surprised her into a laugh. “Not bad. There are some things I’ll need to return—I got some duplicates.”
“Well, let me know if you want my help toting them back to the store.” He looked down at Shep with a smile, but made no move to touch him or Grace, though he longed to do both. “He still hanging in there?”
Grace stroked his head, her smile taking on some of the wonder that makes mothers so very beautiful. “Of course. I’d let you hold him, but—”
“Nah, don’t interrupt a hungry baby. I’ll come by tomorrow.” He hesitated, then added, “If that’s okay.”
Grace looked up again, and she read some of the struggle in Con’s face. “Of course it’s okay,” she answered. “But I appreciate you asking.”
He nodded, swallowing against his tight throat. “Sometime, Gracie,” he said, “we need to sit down and talk. Doesn’t have to be right away, but…sometime soon.”
“I know. And we will.” Again she glanced down at Shep, whose gulping was slowing down. “Here,” she said suddenly, “he’s pretty much done, you want to hold him?”
Con’s face lit up. “Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?” He held out his arms.
Laughing, Grace set the grousing baby in his arms, and they bent over him for a moment together, both glowing with the same adoration for this squint-faced being. I looked on with joy, for now I am sure that as long as they let that love lead the way, they will be fine, all three of them.