I did not elaborate on the argument between Nick and Gabrielle last night, because there seemed to be little more that could be said. I can tell you now that Nick did not stay away long, and that they have fallen into their usual routine with no more said. I could read apology in both of their auras, but not true repentance for either of them—they only wanted peace, not real reconciliation. I worry, then, that the issues raised will come up again.
But Danit had some advice to offer on that score. “If you must be watching for a resurgence of disagreement between them, know what to watch for,” she said. “After all, what someone says in anger frequently comes out of a deep truth in themselves, though rarely a good one. Remember what it was they said, and see if you can tell where it came from.”
I mean to follow this advice, and to keep a close watch on both of them. It is fortunate, then, that I have decided to take a step back from another one of my charges.
I have been pressing Freya to make a connection for the past few weeks, with limited success—no, it is better to say no success. The extent of weeks of planning ended at a work party this evening. I did manage to persuade Freya to invite the young man as her date, and he was delighted, but when he alluded to his feelings about her halfway through the party, she looked at him with nothing but pity and a faint amusement.
“Russ,” she said, “I’ve had a lot of practice letting guys down easily, so I am well aware that I am, in fact, letting you down. But the fact is, you deserve someone who chooses you, over and over again, in every situation. And I’m not that girl.”
I imagine my look of disappointment was the same as Russ’s. “But I choose you,” he said.
He did indeed. I had hoped that a man with Russ’s sensitivity and kindness would be a balm for Freya after the difficulties she has had recently.
She sighed and took his arm, guiding him over to the refreshment table for another drink. “I’m honored by that, really. But love is a mutual choice. It has to be. And the choice has to be made with the same eagerness on both sides.” She handed him a glass of punch and took one herself. “Trust me, it doesn’t work well when you make your choice eagerly, gladly, and in a hurry—and the other person just says, ‘sure, why not?’”
She hid her pain very well, and Russ did not even notice it, but I did. It dismayed me that she still mourns for Peter, because I had not realized how much of her is still attached to him, despite everything.
Glancing at Russ, she smiled and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “I don’t want you to have to go through that,” she said fondly. “You deserve so much better.”
Someone else came up to the table then, and Freya had an idea that made her grin. “For example,” she said, turning them both to face the newcomer, a lovely young woman who looked up in surprise, “someone like Alicia, who is probably the only person in this room who knows as much about the Marvel movies as you do.”
I could see where Freya was going with this—Alicia has also gone through a bad breakup recently, though her relationship ended a few weeks before Freya’s did. I had to admit that Alicia and Russ would make a good pair. So I set aside my own disappointment and did what I could to smooth the introductions and the initial conversation between the two.
“Well,” Freya said after a minute, breaking into an eager discussion over whether Andrew Garfield or Tom Holland made a better Spiderman, “you two seem to be in good shape. Alicia, why don’t you look after him? I’ve got to get going.”
“Oh, don’t you want me to drive you?” Russ asked, making one last attempt.
“Please, I’m a strong, independent woman,” Freya laughed. “Besides, you can’t end on a cliffhanger like that—Alicia needs to know what you think!” She waved for the two of them to continue and went off to find and thank the host.
I walked with her, wishing I could warm her as she walked out into the cold. But then, that was what got me into this trouble—I was in such a hurry to bring her comfort that I did not consider the real suitability of the other. Russ, poor dear thing that he is, could never stand up to the fire in Freya.
“Lead the way, then,” I told her. “Take your time and find the right one. In the meantime, I will be here.”
She smiled, and I imagined then that she did, indeed, feel a little warmer.