Today, I had just returned from escorting Morgan’s parents to their worship service, in the hopes of further persuading them to look gently on her relationship with Brooke, when I was summoned into Zezette’s presence. This has not happened since my transgression against Lubos, so I am sure you will believe me when I say that I was nervous.
It did not help my fears to see that Danit was there with her. What did was the gentle smile on Zezette’s face. “Do not fear, Asa’el,” she said to me. “Are you well? Your light seems dim.”
Her concern warmed me. “I am tired,” I admitted to her, “but I am well.”
She considered me for a moment. “Danit is concerned about you,” she said, putting one wing around Danit. “She says that you are working very hard, which, while it is a glory to our Father, will do you no good if you are not strong enough to bear it.”
I confess, it stung my pride a bit to hear this. Danit and I have spoken about this, and I thought she believed me when I told her I know my own capabilities. I hope, however, that this feeling did not show in front of my seniors. “I am grateful for Danit’s concern, and for yours, Zezette. But I have been careful to keep as close to the mandated time as possible.”
“Day after day, without rest,” she pointed out gently. “You are only an Archangel, Asa’el.”
“But my charges need me,” I protested. “Morgan’s family is nearly ready to accept her choices, and Pamela’s interactions with her own family are still filled with tension. Then there is Charlotte—”
“Danit has informed me of the activity of your charges.” It was an admonition, but one filled with amusement. “She has offered to assist. I believe you should accept her offer.”
It is a wise solution, and yet I balked at it. “I am grateful,” I said to Danit, more sincerely than I had before. “But I would get no rest if another were to take on my work.”
Danit smiled ruefully. “Do you not trust me, Asa’el?”
“Of course I do!” I hastened to say. “But—” The words failed me, and I only shrugged my wings, uncomfortable under their gazes. “They are my responsibility,” I said finally. “You trusted me with their welfare, and I do not want to fail you. I cannot fail you.”
They looked at one another, consulting in words that I could not hear.
“I do love it in the Garden,” I added, hopeful that this might lend credence to my side. “I do not grudge my time there.”
Zezette sighed. “We all love it there, Asa’el, but it is a tainted place, full of willful evil, and without the flesh to shield and disguise us, that evil erodes our strength and would eventually destroy us. That is what we fear for you.”
“I know the dangers, I promise you. I will be more careful. But I still wish to do everything I can for all of my charges.”
Both of them studied me for a long moment. “You are decided, then,” Zezette said.
There was something in her tone that made me feel embarrassed, and I lowered my eyes. “If you command me to change my ways, Zezette, I will, of course. I do not wish to be disobedient.” I shuddered at the very thought.
“Young one.” Her tone was very warm, and she stepped forward, folding me into her wings. I looked up into her face, filled with light and wisdom and love, and wondered if this was what it was like to look up at a mother. “You are a source of pride to me, willful though you are. Very well.” She stepped back, and the loss of her presence was almost painful. “From now on, however, come to me when you complete your work in the Garden, particularly if you must stay past the recommended time. I will do what I can to strengthen you for your work.”
I thanked her profusely, and she laughed and dismissed me to my rest. I have been thinking of the meeting for some time, and more than once I have wondered if I should return to them and apologize for my rudeness, if I should accept their offer after all. I am very tired, and I do know that Danit would take care of my charges as well as I would, if not better. They may not even miss me.
But it is not only how that thought saddens me that persuades me that I have done the right thing. Because what if I am wrong? What if my charges could feel the difference in the influence over them? I have learned over the past year that though we Cupids are trained in the same way, all of us have a different approach to the work we do. What if the change from my methods to Danit’s have a negative impact on my charges? I know that she would not intend that, but perhaps the change in direction would result in my charges rejecting our influence. It is certainly possible with Myrtle or Pamela, and even Morgan and Brooke might not respond well to a sudden change.
More than that, it is exactly as I said. These people are my responsibility, and if I were not strong enough to care for them, I never should have taken on their cases in the first place.