Well, it has been a very long few days, and I am not entirely certain that what Pamela has decided is the right thing. But having a course of action comforts her, and so I am willing to help her bear with the consequences.
It was a full day before she could bring herself to think with even a bit of objectivity about Daniel. When she could, however, she realized what I knew from the start: that Daniel was telling the truth, that he does care about her. This was less of a temptation than I feared it would be for her. She has no desire to hurt another woman, even for the possibility of a relationship with Daniel. But the realization did bring her pain, because she wished that it were different, that he were free, that they could be together.
I discouraged this wishing for what might have been—it will only hurt her more. Instead I urged Pamela to think of what was right. This led her to think of Stephanie, and her anger rose up once again. Sometimes it is exhausting, how human emotions move in cycles—and if it wears us out to witness them, how much more wearying it must be to live through!
But by this morning she had come to a decision.
She went to work this morning as if nothing was wrong, and like on Friday, she avoided Daniel during the day. But directly after school, she left her classroom and went to find him in his.
The look of hope on his face when he saw her roused pity in both myself and in Pamela. She masked it with cold anger and held up a hand before he could speak.
“I don’t think I made myself clear on Thursday,” she said, “and that is the only reason I’m back. You and I are not a thing. It is not happening.”
His hopes dropped away, and he hung his head. “I know,” he murmured.
He looked so sad that Pamela’s heart twisted. I helped her harden it, and she took a breath and went on. “I am angry with you,” she said, “for putting me in this position. And I am angry with you for putting yourself in this position, and for hurting your wife.”
“I just wanted a break, you know?” he said, looking up at her. “Just to be with someone who—”
“I didn’t come here to listen to excuses,” Pamela interrupted him. She did not want him to shake her resolve with loving words. “I came here to make my feelings clear to you. You and I are over.”
Daniel sank back against his desk and laughed, in that way that humans do when they are hurting so much it is the only thing they can do. “Fair enough.”
It is not over, of course. Pamela and Daniel will still have to work together, so they will see one another daily for the next several months. Will their resolve weaken? Pamela is afraid of this, but she has no wish to give up her job. She has not come to a decision on this. On one other thing, however, she has.
“And I think you should tell your wife,” Pamela said.
Daniel looked up. This, he had not expected. “What?”
“You were thinking about cheating on your wife,” Pamela said, her voice level, though it took on a harsher edge. “You were thinking about making me the other woman in your marriage. I would like to tell her that I have no intention of being that, but I think it should come from you. So I want you to tell her.”
Panic was glimmering yellow at the edges of Daniel’s aura. “Pamela, what—I can’t tell her.”
“What, you can cheat on her, but not talk to her?” Pamela’s scorn was cutting. “You said you tried everything to save your marriage. Well, try this. Tell her.”
“Pam—”
“Tell her,” Pamela said, relentless, “or I will.”
And on that, she turned and left again.
I am torn. On the one hand, I agree with Pamela that Stephanie deserves to know what has been going on in her husband’s heart. On the other, I do not think it is Pamela’s place to tell this secret, and I worry that if she gets even more entangled in this mess, it will have a more lasting and harmful effect on her.
I think my next course of action will be to look in on Daniel and Stephanie myself, to see if what they have is salvageable. If it is, I will do what I can to help them; if not, I will ensure that the break is as painless as it can be. I realize that this is not my assignment, but if it can help Pamela, then I will be happy to take it on. I will do whatever I can to bring her happiness. I owe her that much.