Sometimes, I think, we hold on to resentment longer than we realize. Even we, my friends, though we tell ourselves that it is not so. We fall into the habit of keeping separate from others, even after any anger has faded.
I have not spoken to my seniors in some time. I have seen them, of course, and I have exchanged words with them, but I was convinced that they were not listening to me, and so I closed my ears in turn. There has been no communication between us for some time, and that was not all on their side.
But all is well now. I should have remembered that their love is true and genuine, and that they have only my best interests at heart. It was simply that we disagreed on what is best for me, and for my charges.
I went to Danit this morning to speak about Harrington, and I found that she has been keeping a closer eye on me than I realized. She was aware of Harrington’s progress, and she agreed with me that he has reached a point that I can step back.
“I have been speaking with Zaman, and he has kept me informed,” she said, seeing my surprise. “And your watchers have also told me how well you have done.”
I felt both irritation that she had gone to such lengths to keep track of me, and guilt that she had needed to. “I apologize for failing to report to you—” I began.
She held up one hand. “It is for me to apologize, Asa’el, for I planted the seeds of division between us. What you learned about Freya from Orison, you should have learned from me.” She sighed, her wings slumping with something I never thought to see in her—shame. “I have wanted to hold you close, to keep you from leaving us, but I should have had greater faith in you. Only honesty can truly serve you now.”
Her shame twisted me with sorrow, and I forgave her immediately. “I have no wish to leave the Cupids,” I said fervently. “I am to follow love, and with no one else could I do that as well as I have under your guidance.”
The shame did not leave her entirely, but she did draw herself up. “Well,” she said, some of her usual confidence back in her voice, “I mean to prove it to you, Asa’el, that I have seen the error of my ways. I would like for you to take on a new charge with Brid as soon as you have bid Harrington farewell. I believe she and Zaman already have someone in mind, so you may begin with them as soon as she feels her patient is ready for you.”
My heart leapt, but Danit was not finished.
“And—seeing that you have time to spare now—I would also like you to choose another angel with whom to collaborate on a charge. You mentioned Sabasa, I believe? Or Bayaer? I will be very happy to speak to their seniors and arrange something that will work for both of you. Choose which direction you would like to go, and I will help you.” She smiled at me. “Follow your love, Asa’el, and I will walk with you.”
And as I stared at her in astonished joy, I could see, somehow, that she spoke not just for herself, but for the others of my seniors—for Kuya and Jariel and Zezette and even Anteros himself. In her words was a promise from my mentors and friends to stand by me as I go.
I had no words, so I threw my arms around her, and she laughed and held me close, her wings folding warmly around me.
So. There are to be changes coming soon, and I am breathless with anticipation. I hope that I can do justice to my new charges.
I have to go tell Brid!