Since her talk with Victoria, Gabrielle has been unable to get the thought of divorce out of her head. As yet it is still an idle thought, and she does not give it much credit, but it has helped her to keep her patience with Nick twice this week when otherwise they might have had another blazing argument.
I am not sure how to feel about this. To me, divorce has always been a very last resort, to be used only in cases of abuse and cruelty. I don’t know that I believe in irreconcilable differences. Every problem can be solved, given the will and the effort put in by both sides.
But then, there is the rub. Nick is willing to make his marriage work, but he hasn’t been convinced yet that it is necessary. And Gabrielle is able to work with him, but the longer she thinks about divorce, the less she will want to do so.
I went to Danit today for advice about the situation. She listened to my descriptions of their interactions in the past month, and to Victoria’s advice, and sighed, long and low. “I am sorry to say it, Asa’el,” she said, “but you may have to consider this a possibility.”
I could feel my own wings sagging. “Is it not defeat to even think about it?” I asked her. “As long as it is an option, it will always look like the easiest course to take.”
“Perhaps the course involving the least effort, but by no means easy,” Danit told me. “Remember that there is still love on both sides, and both of these people made a promise to stay together. It will not be easy for either of them to break that promise.”
“Then why—”
“Because at this point nothing would be easy. Sometimes, despite great love for one another, two people become so mismatched that to be together is misery. I do not think that it has reached that point with Nick and Gabrielle yet, but it very well could. He could inflict guilt on her and use that guilt to keep her spirit bowed to his, or else learn to abuse her with his words, without even realizing that he is doing so. Even now, he is happy in his marriage, and he has not the slightest notion that his wife needs more from him than he is giving her. What you have to think about now is whether or not he is capable of giving her what she needs. And if he is not…” She pressed her hands together, and then drew them apart in a gesture of helplessness.
I do not like the thought of being helpless. I do not like the thought that this could be my only option.
Danit came to stand beside me, our wings brushing gently against one another. “Think of Grace and Con,” she said. “Do you think they could have been happy together, locked into a marriage that did not suit either of them? They are happier as they are, are they not?”
“Yes, but this is different. I really believe that Nick and Gabrielle can come to understand one another again. They could be good for one another.”
“Then try to make it work, Asa’el,” Danit said, inclining her head. “But remember that every day they remain together, but estranged, is another day of hurt for Gabrielle. You must weight her struggle in the balance, and make certain that you do not leave her hurting for too long.”
And with those words, I now see what Victoria was trying to say. It is true, perhaps these differences can be reconciled. But it will take time, and that time will cost Gabrielle in stress and exhaustion and hurt. If it is possible, it must be worth all the pain—and if it is not, then the sooner I realize this the better for all concerned.
I will need some time to think about this, but not too much time.